Fearless

Guest Post by Missy.
Laura through MY eyes....

 

Two weeks before I leave on the biggest adventure of my life, I begin another journey with my sister Laura.  

We've done the hurting... 

Now it's time for the healing. 

It's time to thank the Father for what He will do,

and for the poison that pumps through my friend's blood in order to cure her. 

It's a day to celebrate chemo, and all that it brings.

And as I watch the locks fall to the floor,

I see what is really happening in this room.

We are taking her down to her core. 

What will be left?

"Love...


 

Joy...

Peace...

Longsuffering...

Kindness...

Goodness...

Faithfulness..."



Gratitude...

And a fearless face that shines so bright with the Holy Spirit...

with the love,

the joy,

the PEACE,

the patience....

What's left is the fruit.

 

When the Lord shines on our faces, do we reflect it?

When we are asked to face Him,

to really face Him

in our fears,

with our lives,

with our futures, 

do we trust Him and let Him continue to shine?

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful,

but heartache crushes the spirit."

-Proverbs 15:13

Thank you, Lord;

For making her heart so happy

that we will never know of any heartache.

OK, first dose of chemo is now behind me!

After a bit of a mini-crisis over getting my port-a-cath placed this am, Wake Med came through for me! - I got the port and was back in Cary in time to receive my first dose of chemotherapy.  Kevin was, of coarse, was with me throughout.

I have a wonderful, skilled & compassionate chemo nurse named Beth. 

I made it through the two chemo drugs with flying colors and went home and celebrated with a some chocolate chip cookies and a piece of cheese pizza... talk about answered prayers!! 


"My heart may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever!"
Psalm 73:26

 I will likely feel progressively worse over the next couple of days but I feel encouraged. I have the port placement and first dose of chemo behind me and the countdown is on!

I continue to cherish and nurture God's love for me... I feel I am getting an even greater understanding of how your faith needs to grow and mature - and how this is a process- - baby steps!   Thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers and support.

I love you all!
Laura

Terrified

I met with the chemo education nurse yesterday. I am a nurse, this was not new information, not really. And yet when it is you who is the patient, somehow everything changes. I am no longer the skilled caregiver, I am now the one reduced to shaking hands, unchecked emotions, and a brain of 'mush'.  I am so afraid, no, I am terrified.  Crying and praying in the shower- "Lord, I just don't want to have to go through this" ....  and then I immediately thought of Jesus on the cross, asking His Father to spare him what he was about to endure...  Today I am afraid, and it is OK.

"Now that in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I kow how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. "
Philippians 4:11-13.

 Today my faith feels small and weak, but I know there are many of you who are praying for me and I know that my wimpy faith and your strong faith will get me through. I know that through this journey of cancer, of fear and suffering, God will teach me, to love Him more, to trust Him more, and to lean on Him - and because of what I will learn, I am confident, my heart will sing with a joy that surpasses understanding. Is there no greater love?

Thank you for your faith and your prayers!  Love,
Laura

Thursday Dec 1st

Today I met with my oncologist for my post mastectomy follow up and set up of my "game plan".

 I did have a positive lymph node on the left side (the side with the cancer) but it was a small amount of cancer compared to the size of the tumors in my breast and the oncologist was "pleasantly surprised". I have T2 stage 2 cancer. The next step is a port-a-cath and to start my 16 weeks of chemo, then 2 weeks of radiation, followed by total hysterectomy sometime in August or September... So I am looking at at least a good 6 - 9 month fight on my hands (in HIS hands).  However....I feel encouraged. I feel blessed.

"Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise" Hebrews 10:35-36.

We have been receiving wonderful dinners from neighbors and friends. I have been given a gorgeous 12 ft Christmas tree that is beautifully decorated and brightens my entire home, a huge pointsetta and live wreath, flowers, cards, gifts. I feel prayers and love on an hourly basis.

My cousin rode up on a 15 hr train ride to stay with me and help me and love me.

Thank you again for your prayers, prayers that have created "pleasant susrprises" and my daily doses of love and support. I love you all!

God Bless,
Laura