Monday, January 2, 2012

another lesson in humility

    My head, or rather, my hair started hurting about two days ago. It even hurt to lay down on a hair started coming out. This morning as I gently rubbed my scalp, I drew back palms full of tiny black hairs. This afternoon after work I went after my head with a washcloth. I'd say probably 3/4 of my hair came out. I stood there at the sink, tiny black hairs everywhere... and I noticed the sun slanting through the window and into one of my eyes, making it look so blue and beautiful, my head a mismatched patchwork of sparse black and pale white. Again, I sobbed.
This is nothing if not a lesson in humility.

    In my heart I know all of this is just superficial, not really what's  important, and still - so hard to let go of. Standing in front of that mirror, topless, covered in a healing rash, red scars where nipples used to be, bruising all along my abdomen from the shots, tears streaming down my face... what a mess! What a humbling mess. And yet again, I must find it in myself to be grateful for this mess -

     ...because I am learning that only with humbled gratitude do I truly grow. So, thank you, Lord, for the mess that is me, thank you for loving this mess, and helping me to become more spiritually beautiful- like the light shining through my blue eye...

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